Prompt: I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified
by multifandomuniverse21
Summary: Characters: Aubryn Abigail (16), Harper Leigh (16), Julian Flynn (15), Eli Samuel (17) I was bored and wanted to start writing. I take suggestions and correction. I'm a new writer this isn't going to be amazing.
1. Chapter 1

"I think I'm in love with you. And I'm terrified."

"Me too"

Holy shit. She doesn't hate me. I would hate me after everything I put her through. Thank god no one else is home. Nothing we are doing is intimate, yet it feels as if a breeze could pop our bubble.

She reaches for my hand, at least I think that's where she's going. I let her. I know I shouldn't, what happened last time should be punishment enough that I can't help others. I'm too heartless for even that. But I'm weak and so desperate for something I'm never going to get. The feeling of being needed back. My last relationship was so bad. I initiated everything. The first text (which became all the time), from cuddling (one day). He gave me NOTHING. Except for a need for anxiety meds. yay. He was your stereotypical hot boy. Blond hair, tan, blue eyes. Played football, a year above me. Had all the friends. Rich, with a huge house. And he was a year older than me, With a perfect name, Eli.

At least I dumped him. I was tired of giving everyone else support, and getting none back. Not even a "hey, are you ok?" Even if it wasn't really meant. I had seen a total of three therapists, all who sucked. I took the same social anxiety test at least three times. YES, I KNOW I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY!

Flashback to present. She's got my hand. We are lying in my bed. (Yes I realize how that sounds.) The realization of everything I just did comes rushing back. I just told her I loved her. Barely a week later after what happened. I can't even get myself to tell it. God forbid mention it.

"You okay?"

"Are you sure you want to trust me already?"

There was a beat of silence. That impending, painful silence. Maybe I pushed her too far. Maybe I was too pushy. I can't even love myself, how someone as amazing and trustful as her even want to be friends with someone as horrible as me. How could she?

"Bryn… You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have stopped"

"NO! DON'T YOU MENTION HIS NAME! IT WAS ALL ME!"

"You don't understand.."

She moved closer, but I turned away. She thinks because she was an outsider, but she knew him, that she can try the whole its not your fault thing and I will become a better person and be capable of emotion again. It will never be the same again. I will never be able to be the same again. I've learned to accept that. God knows how long we've been here like this. I want to fall in love with here. What harm could it do?


	2. Chapter 2

So, how do I recount what happened that night? Some of it I barely remember. But I know I made a mistake. I opened up about that day. I haven't told anyone, except the detective, because I knew he would tell others for me. But we all know this will be a repeat of last time. I open up, they feel sympathetic and try to help for a day or so. Then they find better and more important things to worry about.

I let myself enjoy staring at her as she sleeps for a while. Then realize we have to get to class, so I gently shake her, saying,

"Harper… time to get up! School waits for no one."

"Ugh. What time is it?"

She sounded tired. I don't blame her. We were up hours last night talking. Well, I was talking. She's a surprisingly good listener. I almost hope that this will work with us.

"Lost in your mind again?" She asked gently.

Crap. I was probably sitting there for at least ten minutes, maybe more. I hope whatever happened last night wasn't too bad. I felt so vulnerable, but at the same time relieved.

"Thanks for letting me talk last night. It felt great to get that off my chest"

"Of course. I promise I won't tell anyone. I don't wanna lose you."

"Lose me how"

Oh no. here it comes. The whole "don't kill yourself, you have so much to live for" talk. All fake and meaningless, but makes them seem like they did something.

"Because like you said last night, I've fallen in love with you, and I'm terrified of what that means. How this changes our friendship and our friend group. If we want to be out, or not. How our parents will react."

Oh. My. God. If I wasn't already in love, now I am. She's perfect. She gets me. Doesn't over sympathize.

"I feel like I should know this, but are you out to anyone?"

"I'm out to my mom, but my dad is extremely homophobic."

"My parents know, and my close friend group does. They all want me to move on from my past and "get a life" as they say. So they wouldn't mind."

Holy shit! I might have gotten a girlfriend.

My phone started buzzing. My mom.

"SHIT! WE HAVE SCHOOL!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Flashback to a year ago:_

It was another rough night for him. But we all know who the real problem was, Julia. Everyone thought they were perfect, I mean, with your names being Julian and Julia, who wouldn't ship you? He was also my mental health friend. With Eli being the way he was, only caring about his image, and not at all what I had to go through. We could talk about EVERYTHING! From depression to anxiety triggers, he was always there to listen. And I would listen back. It was our thing. We had so many nighttime FaceTime calls, each one hoping the other would make it through the night.

Then, he went on vacation for a week, each with a promise to each other to not relapse that week. He came back but didn't rant that much anymore. I thought he had gotten better. Little did I know he had a new app on his phone. Called the Blue Whale. I thought it was just a new game he wanted to play. I hadn't known anything about it. He obviously didn't want to push him if he didn't bring it up.

Then now day I got a call, from his parents. I was in his suicide note. He wanted to say he was sorry for not keeping his promise. How do you react to that? I got rid of all my blades. He died from blood loss, and I made myself promise that I owed him that much.

No one understood how I had any effect in this. I KNEW what he was doing. I KNEW it could kill him. But I didn't even try to stop it. I could've saved his LIFE. But I didn't. I don't deserve anyone to sympathize with me. I made the wrong decision.

But Harper, she was perfect. I couldn't have gotten luckier. She doesn't treat me differently, and respects my boundaries. She doesn't push.


End file.
